Would you rather have HIGH or NO Expectations?

One question I recently thought about—whenever I’m about to embark on something new—is if it would be better to:

• Have high expectations

OR

• Have no expectations whatsoever

I thought about different scenarios where this can apply: something as simple as trying a new restaurant, looking for a job, and traveling to a new place, to something more complex such as starting a relationship or engaging in a conversation.

After some deliberation, I came to the conclusion that ten times out of ten, whatever the scenario is, I would rather go into something with high expectations, looking for something that can exceed them, because of the following reasons:

• If I’m trying a new restaurant, I’m not coming in with the mindset that “I hope the food is decent”. I’m coming in with the mindset that “I’m spending money, this better be worth every penny”. I don’t want just something enough to get me to my next meal, I want something that will satisfy me and encourage me to visit that place again.
• If I’m looking for a job, I want to find something that meets my standard while also possessing the necessary potential to give me more. I want to gain new experiences that will have me excited to come to work and exert maximum effort in order to contribute as much as I could. 
• If I’m in a place I’ve never been to before, I don’t want to just say “well, this is one place off of my bucket list”. I want to be able to say that this is one place I would love to come back to and experience more of. I want to experience something great that will give me what I’m looking for and fun stories to share. 
• If I’m starting a new relationship or engaging in a conversation, I want to be able to have an encounter, and possible succeeding consistent ones, with someone who is able to offer me something new and have the capability to add more to my life. Time is our most valuable resource and simply spending it with someone “good enough” won’t suffice. Even in mentorship relationships, there is a mutual benefit to all parties involved.

In any and every scenario possible, I would rather be “disappointed” after not having my high expectations met than be loss-averse. I simply won’t yield or lower my standards to accommodate something that’s just good enough because I want something great.

In contemplating which approach I would rather live by, I also considered why some people would choose to go into something with no expectations whatsoever:

1. You get to spare yourself from pain and dejection. In my mind, people would choose to have no expectations of something in order to save themselves from the possibility of getting hurt.
2. You experience whatever it is just for what it truly is instead of seeking something more. With this in mind, you’re more likely to find whatever it is to be more enjoyable as there isn’t a threshold looming to be met.

For the two justifications I came up with, I thought of only one possible rebuttal that can counter both. If there is no criteria, no threshold, and simply, no expectation, then finding something to be enjoyable or impressive will be as easy to attain as a participation trophy. This mindset emphasizes averse thinking, presenting a no-risk, low reward scenario under a light that makes it appear majestic and grand in comparison to the now dangerously portrayed high risk, high reward scenario. What makes you uncomfortable will make you grow and disappointments are a part of that process.

Is it realistic to have high expectations in everything that you do?

Yes, I think it is. In order to mitigate possible disappointment, you have to put in as much effort as you can into preparing and justifying why having high expectations can be realistic. You simply cannot jump off a diving board and expect to make a smooth entry, mirroring the execution of an Olympic diver.

If you have high expectations about trying a new restaurant, you don’t go to the first one suggested by Yelp because chances are, it’s an ad. You do some research, refine your criteria, and then you read the reviews left by others who experienced what you’re thinking about trying. From there, you make the decision—an educated and informed one—on which new restaurant you will try next.

If you don’t have expectations about trying a new restaurant, you just think of what places you haven’t tried and next thing you know, you realize that Filipino restaurants in the Bay Area are not good at all and that you should just learn how to cook. Plus, it’s a forgettable meal with a memorable hit on your wallet.

If you have high expectations when looking for a job, you don’t look at craigslist. You think about what you’re looking for, create a criteria, and then look at more reputable platforms, like LinkedIn, and peruse each job description. Then, you tailor your resume and create a cover letter for each position that you desire before applying. From there, you only apply to the ones you’d be excited to work in.

If you have no expectations when looking for a job, you’ll just apply at the first one you see and be happy when you get a call for an interview. Even worse, you’re happier when you get the job. Next thing you know, you’ve spent an irrevocable amount of time there and gained nothing new as the world passed you by.

If you have high expectations when traveling to a new place, you don’t lay a map out, blindfold yourself, and then drop a pin to determine where you’ll be going next. You research possible countries, narrow it down to states, then cities, and then compile a list of reasons that make said place a compelling place to visit. You then go on your trip, come back with a souvenir and stories, and become that annoying person on social media that posts “#tbt take me back to “said place”.

If you have no expectations when traveling to a new place, you’ll just buy the cheapest ticket that fits your schedule, wherever it might take you, and cross your fingers, hoping for the best. Next thing you know, you’re on a Carnival Cruise ship to nowhere, stranded in the middle of the Pacific Ocean as it’s forced to quarantine due to an unforeseen number of clueless people on board.

If you have high expectations about a new relationship or a conversation, you don’t immediately start with that in mind. You ask them questions that can give you an idea if having high expectations is plausible, such as their perspective on life, some experiences they may have had, and what they’re passionate about. Having high expectations is contingent on their responses. You don’t set anyone (you or the other person) up for failure. If they possess the potential, then you see if what they showed is sustainable or if it was a fluke. This might take some time.

If you have no expectations about a relationship or a conversation, you go around talking to everyone and when you meet someone that shares a mutual affinity for that one show you watch and quote all the time, you automatically feel as if you made a genuine friend whom you can talk to about any and everything with. Next thing you know, you can’t be any more different as you realize the whole foundation of your “genuine and authentic friendship” was that show.

If you come in with high expectations, you’re setting a precedent for what you deserve as you specify what it is exactly you’re looking for. High expectations lead to great experiences.

If you come in with no expectations, you’re simply setting yourself up for a neutral, sometimes good, experience. No expectations translate to a “happy to be here approach” that undermines what you can get out of an experience.

Thus, I would rather prepare and put in all of the aforementioned work and be disappointed than be happy with no preparation because being disappointed will give me the opportunity to reflect and identify points where I may have made a mistake. That reflection will lead to a better process that will translate to an everlasting joy whereas the happiness that can be attributed to luck will be ephemeral. In the moment, it doesn’t feel good to be wrong. Being wrong, however, will enable you to become wiser and make better decisions in the future.

The next time you’re about to experience something new, set high expectations for yourself because you deserve something great, not just something good-enough, and let me know how it goes!