Pros and Cons of being single (through a year plus)

On one of the many recent nights where I find it hard to sleep, I began jotting down the changes to and in my life over the past 14 months. Then I focused on the changes as a direct result of not being in a relationship, then sorted through those in the usual pros and cons manner.

Pros:

• I do not feel guilty working through nights
• I do not feel guilty working through weekends
• I haven’t spent any money on squishmallows
• I haven’t felt guilty saying no to buying squishmallows
• I can have quick meals all the time
• I can eat the same food over and over and stick to my meal preps
• I have more time to work, read, and write
• I hear no more complaints (or that I’m annoying) when I pinpoint why what happened, happened, and what could’ve been done to avoid it
• I now have no one to make me want to stay in bed on weekends
• I feel more mindful, more self-aware, and more self-reliant than ever

Cons:

• No pupusas with curtido taste as good as before
• No more Sushi Fridays
• No calls to reject on purpose so I can get a voicemail to listen to
• No one makes me ceviche or breakfast oats or takes me out to dinner
• No automatic plus one for me to events I get invited to
• No automatic partner on events I know I want to go to
• No possible excuse for me as to why I can’t attend something (that sometimes I just don’t want to go to)
• No one to ask to buy me Legos
• No one to try new restaurants with
• No one to take to my favorite restaurants
• No one to be spontaneous with
• No consistent bedtime, at least lately
• No one to share my every single thought with
• No stories to hear from someone I definitely want to listen to and care about

A subjective list—not necessarily reflective of what I’m looking for, what I miss, or what I want to preserve— informed by objective changes.

Time and perspective. Perspective and time.

What you see and how you see both depend on when you look.

Yet when you look is determined only when you feel ready to see what is there to see and deal with how it can make you feel.