The Next Professional Step is also the next in my Personal Life
Background:
On September 6th, 2023, two days away from my second work anniversary, I was laid off. Before experiencing it, I always thought people who get laid off are the worst performers. I thought it was all merit-based. I was wrong. Each company has its own respective processes and criteria behind its decision-making. For my former employer, I was part of the decision they concluded they needed to make to move the business forward. I can live with that.
I took the rest of September to really just reflect on what I’ve done and where I want to go.
A lot of reading, non-stop reflection, and conversations with people I trust and admire later, I am taking the best next step I think I can: entrepreneurship by co-founding a consulting firm.
Reading:
Among all that I’ve read, Buddhism proved to be the most influential. As I read Pema Chodron’s Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change a few years back during a defining period of my life, I resorted back to Buddhism and decided to learn more about Buddha, his teachings, and the philosophy behind the principles of Buddhism. The biggest of my takeaways is dukkha, one of Buddhism’s four noble truths, which explains that while we might be able to temporarily fulfill our desires, unpleasant experiences will persist and suffering is inevitable. If I’m going to suffer regardless of what I do, I’d rather suffer by my own choice. I know entrepreneurship will be hard, but I love doing hard things anyway. I’ve always resorted to doing hard things and there’s no reason to change that now. I’d rather suffer finding clients than applying for jobs and interviewing. I’d rather suffer working nights and weekends for myself than for another company. I’d rather suffer building my own than building for someone else. I’d rather suffer doing something I chose to do than suffer doing something that was forced upon me.
Reflection:
Two of the things I reflected upon that I thought were instrumental in my decision were the things I’ve been able to accomplish and the type of life I’ve been living for the past couple of years. At 24, I feel as if I haven’t done anything noteworthy recently. I thought perhaps I have become patient, living by the timeline set by others, just waiting for promotions and waiting it out. And for a time, I was fine with that. Good thing I got laid off because I realized that that’s not me. I’ve become too patient, a prisoner with golden handcuffs. I channeled the young, hungry Alex and thought about the time I did hard things to get what I want, like taking 24 units a semester to graduate early. I can be patient with the results, but never with the work. I’m not going to sit and wait. I’d rather pave my own path and create the timeline I want to live by.
As for the life I’ve been living, I feel as if I’ve gone soft, too comfortable, and lost the hunger and drive that propelled me to where I am now. I just want to get back to working, to building the life I want to have, and to pursuing what I know will set me up for a more desirable and enjoyable future. I’ve had too much fun recently, indulging in things I never really got the chance to do before like traveling, attending concerts, and going to various restaurants. Now, I just want to get back to work. Just heads-down, focused, and marathon type of work. I want to set more ambitious goals that will require me to do something I’ve never done before. I want something that will require me to be more focused than ever. To be more committed than ever. More disciplined than ever. More driven than ever. For me to become better than ever and just always be in the continuous process of pushing myself. And I truly hope it’s a continuous process that I don’t get out of for a while, or even ever. I think—with all the things I’ve been able to do and the experiences I’ve had thus far in my life—the pursuit and anticipation are almost always better than realization and actualization. The past two years I lived comfortably as a result of my work from the prior four years were great, but will not necessarily be missed. I need to reset my lifestyle so I can better enjoy the one I will have. I need to starve myself so I can enjoy a bigger feast. I need to take a step back to catapult myself further forward.
Conversations:
I am fortunate enough to have a handful of relationships with people I truly trust. People whose opinions I value and people with whom I can be vulnerable.
Most of the advice and insights they shared were consistent along the lines of “whatever you decide to do, I know you will be great. You have such a bright future ahead of you.”
And that was it for conversations.
I didn’t need to hear anything else. I didn’t want to tell people about what I was considering and hear words of encouragement, or discouragement, that I knew would be irrelevant. Or give me that quick boost of dopamine as if I already accomplished something. It makes no difference at all. The reading and reflection provided me with what I needed to do, the conversations simply provided me an extra boost of support from my wonderful circle.
Final Thoughts:
I loved the work I was doing for the past two years. I loved the people I was with.
My time with my former employer might have ended, but the desire to keep doing the same type of work didn’t.
I see this as an asymmetrical opportunity.
I can grow exponentially in more ways than I can currently imagine.
The best-case scenario in this is light years ahead than the best-case scenario of anything else. Amongst what I envision, I can see myself making the impact I want to make, working with people I trust alongside me, doing what I love, living a life I love, and continuing to grow, grow, and grow.
The worst-case scenario in this is nowhere near the worst of all that can happen to me because I’m not going to die.
Sounds like an easy decision to make.
I’m 24. Now is the time for me to pursue this, to fully commit to it, and to see it all the way through.
It’s easier to get a job, to get something stable, to get that steady flow of income.
Entrepreneurship is harder. It’s not as easy as movies dramatize it to be. It’s not as simple as LinkedIn makes it seem. It’s not as linear as most people think it to be.
All things worth having are all things worth trying for.
I’ve always done my best work when my back is against the wall. When I need to do what I want to do.
My performance ascends with the pressure.
This is the next step that makes the most sense.
I’ll keep writing to document my journey.
LFG.