The Paradox of a Promising Past

What’s the fascination with the past?

More specifically, why do people make their past their present, hoping it can be their future?

In a professional setting, work experience for example, there’s no point in going back for the same job that you’ve already moved on from before. It’s the same place. It’s the same duties. It’s the same title. You might be working with slightly different people but at the end of the day, you’re there for the same reasons as the people that you worked with before. You might bring more experience, expertise even, and others might too, but it won’t matter. Deep down, you’ve tried this before and there’s a reason why you left. It’s time for something new.

In a recreational setting, the gym for example, there’s no point in reverting back to lifting lighter weights when you know you can do more. It’s a waste of time. It’s the easy way out. It’s adverse. You can get stronger and keep progressing to be able to lift bigger and heavier weights. People might become more toned, their bodies able to show more definition, but it’s all superficial. You might look the part, and others might too, but there’s a reason why you don’t feel the same that you did before, leaving you wanting to do more reps. You’ve exhausted that dumbbell. It’s time for something new.

In a social setting, trying a restaurant for example, there’s no point in going back to a place that you had a bad experience with before. It’s the same recipe. It’s the same taste. It’s the same experience. Yes, the servers might be different, but they’re still serving the same food. You’re preventing yourself from expanding your taste buds, from being served properly, and from having a better time. There are a lot of better restaurants with better food, servers, and can provide a much better experience. It’s time for something new.

In relationships, romantic ones for example, I’ll share an anecdote about a recent conversation I had with a colleague to make my point. This colleague is substantially older than me, having his fair share of experiences that I know nothing about. He opened up to me regarding his most recent ex-girlfriend’s wishes to get back together after a couple of months, especially after seeing how he’s living a different life. During the course of their relationship, he shared how he thought of any time they were spending together to be special, not needing to spend money or go out on fancy dates to validate their night. The ex-girlfriend, on the other hand, wanted to do more “special” things instead of enjoying a quiet night at home watching a movie or playing a boardgame. From there, it snowballed and it led to their breakup. Fast forward a couple of months after the break-up, he got promoted, which meant more money, was traveling for work, and looked like a completely different person, from the ex-girlfriend’s point of view at least. Through all of this, the ex-girlfriend thought it would be a perfect time to revisit their relationship and see if it can be repaired. Knowing where the conversation will lead, my colleague decided to indulge his ex-girlfriend and shared a conversation with her. 

The things he told her during their conversation stuck with me: 

He told her how despite having a seemingly different lifestyle now, his circumstances being better from how it was when they were together, and how he might seem like a new person, deep down, he’s still the same person she dated. He is who he is. He still likes the same things. He still gets annoyed by the same things. He embodied how circumstances do not define a person. He still believes in the same things. He’s the same man with the same core values. To end the conversation, he shared how he doesn’t think a new relationship will end any differently than it did before because people just don’t change who they are. People just can’t change their core values. They might make some tweaks and minor improvements but deep down, they are who they are. There’s a reason why it didn’t work out. You’ve already gotten to know that person. You’ve already spent enough time with that person. You’ve already done everything that you can. There’s nothing more there. It’s time for something new.

Albert Einstein once said that insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results.

If that’s the case, are people insane?

The present can be propitious, the future anything unlike what’s familiar, and yet the past is still seen as promising. 

Throughout this whole article, everything just seems to point at how much control our emotions have on our lives, going as far as to negate logic. Emotions rule, without a doubt, but should it?

To conclude, I came up with a scenario that can serve as an analogy for this whole piece:

Imagine there’s two stacks of cash:

• Stack one comprises of
  • 100 pennies, 20 nickels, 10 dimes, four quarters, a dollar bill, three five dollar bills, a ten dollar bill, a twenty dollar bill, and a fifty dollar bill.
• Stack two comprises of
  • One five dollar bill, a ten dollar bill, and a twenty dollar bill.

My thinking is that most people would opt to pick up the second stack simply because it’s easier to carry, despite knowing, even with just a quick cursory Glance, that its value is nowhere near half of what the first stack’s is.

Convenience should never take precedence over something new that may seem a little different as long as it’s exhibited multiple signs of its potential of Being worthy, rewarding, and fulfilling.

The past can never be promising.

The future can always be fascinating.

The past can’t be the future.

The future can’t be the past.

When you leave the past behind, you open yourself to wonderful things that life has to offer you otherwise wouldn’t find…